It has been months since I have last blogged. Raising two children is all encompassing and for some, more than they can handle. I love my girls but most of my energy goes into them, and I have very little left for myself. Ricardo and I should be divorced soon I hope. Shortly after our ten year anniversary. I am looking forward to this as I realize how depressed I was with him. I understand we cannot look for others to make us happy but we can look to our spouses to lift us up, encourage and love us. I got none of that and I understand now what it takes to make a marriage work. I would have stayed and fought harder if I thought my husband had a heart. I will work on being a good partner for the sake of our children only. I call it fake nice. When dealing with a narcissist you have to be fake nice or they will run you over. I do not want to deny the girls a meaningful and lasting experience with their father. I encourage it while I can. When they are older they can make their own decisions.
I feel more alive and happy today than I have in a long long time. Perhaps I shoud have had the sense not to marry Ricardo. Well, then Raquel and Eva and Adian and Owen would not be here today so it was meant to be I believe for the birth of those children. I believe God has a plan and that is all I need right now. I have not even begun to get into all of the juicey stuff yet.
